Can you please edit this for me and give me feedback on it. I'm not asking you to agree with anything I just want you opinions to make it as convincing as possible.. I'm 14 and bad at editing.. so it will probally need a lot of correcting.
dear President Obama,
First off I would like to congratulate you on your great success you have had this year with winning the election and everything. Second I would like to raise an issue that many people find controversial while other people ignore its importance. Each year 281,057,000 babies are born. out of those babies 1.5 million lives are being taken away by abortion. the baby is being treated as an object that’s fate is decided by careless teenagers or unprepared mothers. the precious life of a baby being taken painfully away without a say in the matter. Murder is murder no matter what you call it. Mother Theresa put it this way "Any country that accepts abortion, is not teaching its people to love, but to use any violence to get what it wants." even the great Mother Theresa wanted to spread the word about Pro life. I believe America is the country where everyone should have free will and every citizen should be able to make his or her own decisions but if those decisions are taking away the life a baby that could grow up make a difference in the world then there is a line crossed, a step too far. even if they don’t make a difference in our country a life is a life and in the end it still matters. after the election ended I have tolerated a lot of things that have come out of it including the comment about Special Olympics, the encouragement of stem cell research, but killing a baby because you don’t want to take on the responsibility of a child is too much to handle or tolerate. there are many alternatives considering health care has improved greatly pregnancy is a lot better and less painful then it used to be plus the benefit of giving a couple who can’t have children a chance at raising a child themselves should be a great reward in itself. as your battling the recession, swine flu, health care and so on all I ask is that you take a moment of your time and think about me, think about our country and realize there is no I in country and myself alone will not make as big of an impact as you can. I ask that you stop allowing abortion to be used as birth control and last, I ask if you could take the time to reply.
good in the first sentence change the election and everything to just the election.
First off, take off the off. Just First, . "your great success", make it "the great success". you can't say "out of those" when you are talking about unborn babies. you say so many are born but of those born some are aborted. that doesn't make sense. So I would probably say "at the same time," instead of "out of those". "That's fate", take out the apostrophe. the apostrophe makes it "the object that is fate". Pro life should not be capitalized at the end of a sentence. the sentence that starts "I believe America" is way too long. break it down into at least two sentences, and use commas between major phrases. after special olympics, take out the comma and put in "and". you should only use a comma if your series contains three things. "as your battling", the your should be either you're or you are. the rest of that sentence is kind of confused. Do you really want him to think about you personally or do you want him to think about abortion? there are millions of anti-abortion people he could think about, but that wouldn't make a bit of difference. If someone believes something, the mere fact that another individual believes differently won't change their mind.
As to the last sentence, you should be aware that the president gets hundreds of thousands of letters every day. he cannot possibly respond to every one, especially one that says something a whole boatload of people have already said. you will in all probability get a canned response from "the White House". It's not an insult, just reality.
Excellenntttt job it is very convincing.. you have successfully proven ur point.. u are very right many people tend to ignore abortion, MURDER IS MURDER like u said.. mother therea's quote is excellent.. hats off to you.. very persuasive.. dont change anything..
Keep up the good work!
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