Let’s begin by dealing with a case of mistaken identity.
See that text over there by my mug shot (mug is the correctword, don’t you think)? It has my name, and my name most certainlyis not John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. Not now, not ever. in fact,I’ve never even met the man.
Therefore, the nursery rhyme that says his name is my name, too,is completely inaccurate. in fact, it’s about as wrong as servingbiscuits and gravy on fine china. There’s no reason for it.
In fact, there seems to be no explanation for most nurseryrhymes. sure, they’re cute and look harmless, but the same can besaid for skunks. I personally think when it comes to reality andfacts, both stink.
Much like Congress, nursery rhymes defy logic and lack commonsense. a few examples:
Hush a Bye Baby encourages parents to put their infants intrees, with a result that lands your kids in protective custody;Jack may be nimble and quick, but he’s not smart enough to walkaround the candle (maybe that’s where Hot Cross Buns came from);Mrs. Spratt only eats junk food and Wee Willie Winkie (so gladthat’s not my name either) ran around town in his nightgown. Thenthere’s rub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub. enough said.
With old King Cole and his fiddlers three along with Hey Diddle,Diddle, the Cat and the Fiddle, maybe nursery rhymes are meant toinstill a love of music. It must be bluegrass or country becausethere are a lot of references to agriculture, especially sheep. BoPeep can’t find hers, Little Boy Blue is asleep instead of watchinghis and the Black Sheep is handing out bags of wool like they’rephone books.
It must have been some neighborhood there in Nursery Rhyme Land.I can imagine strolling by the house that Jack built around thecorner from the Three Little Pigs’ homes. Don’t miss the crookedold sidewalk built by the crooked old man.
Then there’s neighbor Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater. He apparentlycouldn’t keep his wife happy or from straying out of the pumpkinpatch unless he tied her up in a gourd. It’s no wonder. I can’timagine Peter being the epitome of attractiveness with a terracotta smile and pumpkin seeds between his teeth. plus, pumpkin isnot a very soothing shade. I remember my mother having anorange-colored kitchen. Maybe that’s why we ate out a lot.
Most of all, what kind of message are we sending to our childrenwith Peter’s marital advice? Basically, we’re told that if yourmate is unhappy, the best solution is to put her inside a squash.Don’t try this at home.
The parenting examples we get are not much better. Tom, thePiper’s son, stole a swine. and who wants pease porridge on daynine? (Oh, no, I’m starting to sound like a nursery rhyme!)
We can’t forget Little Jack Horner who was in a corner. Ipresume he was there because he was a brat or because he couldn’tkeep his fingers out of the pastries. Then, he nabs a plum with adigit and applauds himself as a good boy. Apparently Jack forgotthat he was in the corner to begin with.
I guess it’s a good thing he didn’t live in the shoe, because ifI remember right, that old lady “whipped them all soundly” and sentthem to bed, even though she didn’t have space enough for all ofthem.
Maybe she should call down the street and see if Peter has aspare gourd.
Les O’Dell is an average guy writing about life from his home inCarbondale. Visit him at lesodell.net.
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